Friday, April 5, 2013

I was asked to write about Black Women... So here it is:

  • I was asked to write this. I was going to do it on my blog but I don't want to stay on this subject long. Its about Black Women.

  • We are considered the least attractive woman in the world who is least likely to get married- especially in this country. We have the most babies out of wedlock in this country. If I had a penny for everytime I was told I was cute for a dark chick or that he prefers light skinned chicks, I'd beat Oprah's riches. Growing up, I noticed that I was not considered the cute girl compared to the light skinned or white chick. I remember as a child wanting to look like the white girl or the light skinned chick because everyone thought she was pretty, but never gave me a compliment. 

  • I am approaching 32 in a few weeks and I look back on that bullshit and count it all joy. I can talk about how Black Men now days don't want me because of their preference of lighter or white skin, but that would generalize all men. Besides, that's not true with everyone. I can talk about being a strong black woman all day as the reason why Black Men can't handle me, but then I would be setting myself up for failure and stupidity. I can say Black Men ain't shit, but it still comes down to the fact that it falls back on me because if they're not shit I keep choosing them, sleeping with them, and having their babies (I'm talking about Black Women in general).

  • I will say this: I am proud of being a human being first who is having this experience of being of African descent and being a woman. I am enjoying the skin that I'm in and the hair it came with. I do not compare myself to anyone and I stopped doing that shit years ago. If a man don't want me, even if it is a Black Man, I'm not going to allow myself to want him- I'm not even going to argue or fight him.

  • I think its time to let the shit go- what society and the world may say about us, what our men say about us, and what we really feel about ourselves. Strength will never come from who likes us, loves us, will fuck us, or desire us. Strength will never come from anyone, anything, or anywhere outside of us. Strength is internal- it is something built on the inside of us.

  • We already have a history that has created a particular strength within us that we fail to tap into. Why? Because we spend more time focusing on what the world says about us and irrelevent people and situations speak about us. Who's report will you believe? 

  • Strength will never come from speaking it and we will never just have it. Strength comes from endurance- REAL ENDURANCE! Endurance comes from repentance and confession of the shit we have done and not only working to make things better, but really experiencing real change.

  • I used to get mad at what men would say about me. I eventually just accept the fact that no matter what I say, think, or do, that is how they think of me and they may never change it. There is no point to focus on this when I can focus on myself and be better.

  • I am currently dating and serious with a wonderful Black Man who loves me from the inside out. Ironically the same women who brag about being strong were the same ones trying to make him out to be weak. He takes me to a whole other level of love, community, and joy. I definitely found the one.

  • I only really care about his opinion of me outside of my own. Other than that why are we still aruging and fighting with people that don't give a fuck about us? Why are we trying to gain someone's approval. I was reading in the Tao Te Ching in verse 13 that "Seeking favor is degrading." THis means looking for approval only creates disapproval and says that these people, places, and things are above me and I'm below them. In reality, we are really all the same and come from the same place.

  • I could talk about Black Men not wanting us and how they need to recognize we are their backbone, but if we are not what they want there is no reason to allow it to make us bitter. We were all made beautiful in our own special way. It's just too bad many of us don't see that in our own selves based on the choices we make as well as the approval we think we need from someone. Approve of yourself- that's all that matters. When no one else loves you, love yourself.

  • Stop hiding behind the strong Black Woman persona because you are fooling no one. Be a Strong You from the inside that doesn't need to usurp their strength and power to anyone else. 

  • I will never give a damn about what people think of me that is so deep to where I have to tell Black Men how they should think about me. You either like me or not. You either want me or not. It's really that simple. I don't have time for bullshit. Of all the times I've had Black Men (who are all still single now) tell me I wasn't soft enough, I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't enough woman, I was too angry and emotional, I've learned that you just got to let stupid be stupid and intelligent be intelligent. I have a good man that a lot of these mfers will never compare to and even if I was still single, they couldn't compare to me.

  • Be your actual, factual self without any apologies. Be your authentic self regardless of stereotypes and reports. Be a Black Woman and don't let it be you. Smile when everyone seems to frown at you. End of the day, their thoughts, opinions, reports, studies, experiences, and ideas probably does not apply to you anyway.

  • Ok... this was supposed to not be a blog, but it turned into one because it got too long on my Facebook. This may seem to have nothing to do with sex. If you want to have better sex, you may want to heed to this advice though :)

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