Saturday, September 8, 2012

From Sexual Fear to Sexual Healing...

I have been in deep thought lately. Sex is part of life. Why is it considered an "alternative lifestyle." Your sexual experience is just as important as every other area of your life. Yet due to the diverse interpretations and experiences people have sexually, it just seems that people feel it is safer to make it a taboo. Well... tonight I had an awesome experience! It had nothing to do with quantity. It was all quality. Sex is one of the most powerful healing forces in the universe. It will make a grown man cry. It will make a grown woman let loose. What is wrong with allowing it to set you free? We look for God to set us free from the laying of hands at our religious institutions but not through the touch of our partner(s). Perhaps God meant our healing to come through his stroke or her caress. Perhaps Divine Mind meant for our healing to come through lit candles, chocolate, massage oil, and maybe even silk sheets. It's hard to see it that way. Why? Because after we've had the sexual experience, many of us get burned. Some of us contract a sexually transmitted infection. Some of us have contracted HIV. Some of us get pregnant unexpectedly or, worse, forcefully. Some of our first experiences was not pleasant. You may have been raped, molested, prostituted, or had some sort of a painful experience. Some of you are afraid to have sex altogether. Lately, there has been more awareness about many different sexual disorders that are so rare and so serious they have yet to name them. Let's face it- sex is not what it used to be. Or has it always been the same only it used to just be hidden or brushed under a rug. The common denominator I've noticed and experienced is fear. There is a fear factor for sex. Interestingly, many of us continue to be irresponsible in our behavior and patterns. We don't use condoms and use a second form of birth control- out of fear. I went to Walmart tonight with my "friend" to buy a box of condoms- we were out. He was tired from drinking a couple of beers so I told him I would go in. As I was nonchalantly standing in line with the condoms I struck up a conversation with the lady checking out a gay couple in front of me about a new Walmart that is supposed to be opening up soon. She was very polite and we even joked around about a few things. Then it was my turn to check out. As I placed the box on the belt I sensed that her whole persona changed. There was a level of discomfort coming from her being as she picked up the box of condoms- the only item I was buying- as I switched to the credit card machine and pay for them. She got quiet. She placed the box in a plastic bag gently like she was trying not to spill semen out of them. Then she wrapped the bag around the condoms as if she was trying to hide them from something or someone. I don't know- maybe she goes to Creflo's church. Maybe she had a bad sexual experience that she has not healed from. Maybe she thinks I'm a nasty hoe. At least we know one of us was practicing safe sex... and was not afraid. Why are we afraid of our sexual selves? Why are we embarrassed to buy condoms? Why are we uncomfortable standing next to someone purchasing what I life the $7 sex insurance pack (12 pack of condoms)? Why are we afraid of someone who is living with their mistakes? Why are we afraid of someone victimized by someone's sexual deviancy? Why are we afraid to even have sex period? Some say condoms are not guaranteed. Interestingly I never got pregnant or burnt from wearing them. Some say there's too much disease out there. Interestingly, you procrastinate with buying protection. Some say it's because of what they have to live with the rest of their life. Interestingly, there is support out their made specifically for you. Some say they're afraid of their performance. Interestingly, there really is no handbook on how to effectively have sex. Marriages lack intimacy and we have the nerve to block gays for having the right to marry. We abuse each other and wonder why we remain in hurt. We fear the very thing that was meant to not only continue life, but to also heal us. Togetherness, the real definition of sex, is the missing element in our human experience. Whether you are having intercourse or driving down the highway under the stars, enjoy your relationship(s), intimacy, and yourself. Intercourse is just one element of sexuality, but it is not only way to have a sexual experience. With this idea, we really are not afraid of sex. We are afraid of ourselves and each other. Stop being afraid. Just be. Be in peace and good health. Be healed. Be loved. Enjoy life with each other. Yes, you may have to live with the fact that what happened to you happened. Yes, it happened with your friend. Yes, it happened with a loved one. What is there to do? Be a victor! Be a champion! Be alive! Be in good health! Let nothing stop you from you pleasure... in living life as a whole. Be real and be honest about who you are. Most importantly, be. Have no fear because the universe has a way to bring about sexual healing in your life one way or another. Ok, I'm done ranting. Continue to support safe sex and let sexual healing be your testimony. Peace and blessings!


  1. To put it bluntly the United States does not have a comprehensive mandatory sex education program. This should start from through college. In addition to this problem it is not always just sexual. It is and on many occasions a sexual and gender issue as well. This is my following example which is very similar to yours. I was in Kmart a few months ago. I was looking to purchase some gym thongs for my workouts. That is not what they are actually called. It's just the ones they sell at Kmart I would not wear as underwear. Yes I said thongs as in what some people like to nick name "butt floss." This is my normal disclaimer (they do make them for men too). that wasn't for you but for many people I had to provide them with that explanation. This was almost the case at that Kmart. Like you I was in line with just a box of thong underwear in my hand waiting to check out. It was a sista who was the cashier at the time who held the box up high enough so the sista in back of me could see what I was purchasing. By the way she had already seen them anyway. You see she and I were in another line that was going slow. The cashier happened to catch her attention before she caught mine. She was getting ready to go ahead of me to check out but noticed what I had in my hand smiled and motioned to me to go first. So, I did exactly that but I noticed the little game being played at the moment. In other words "I want to see him buy this shit" kind of a thing. Now maybe she or the both of them were in approval of my purchase somewhat or not at all? I don't know and I did not give a damn what they thought. I did noticed that what ever the case might have been it was an issue for them. You have know idea how many times I have had to explain to people (mostly African-Americans) concerning this topic. It got old really quick. I even provided some people with all sorts of information and they still held on to their ignorance. It got old really quick. It would seem for them anything that they are unfamiliar with regarding gender and sexuality is either gay or taboo?


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