Everyone enjoys sex. Everyone. There are some people that enjoy it so much that they will do what it takes to get it even if it means violating another individual. People will even use sex to be pacified based on their disagreements they have with a person. Recently, a young man had rape charges dropped because the accuser admitted on Facebook that it was a lie because she was mad at him. Brian Banks had a promising future that could have meant that he would play college football with one of the top teams and even possibly make it to the NFL. Although recent reports claim that he is being given a chance to tryout for professional football and attempt to start where he left off, I am still appalled that a young girl decided to make these accusations simply because she didn't like what he said to her. Rape is a serious offense that must be treated sensitively, however there must be action taken when people want to manipulate the system for petty reasoning.
It's bad enough that women are manipulative when it comes to sex. Women tend to hold sex over a man's head like holding a piece of meat over a pack a wolves. Sadly, in many cases, women know that they can get what they want from many men and men have become accustomed to this. Sex is a gift, not a reward. A lot of women will disagree with me on this, but it is time that we revamp and reconsider how we get what we expect from a man. Many of these men are innocent, and in some cases mean no harm at all. Not all of them are dogs. But to simply make accusations of this kind to get what you want makes it harder for good women to get the type of relationships and experiences they deserve from a good man who has been hurt and manipulated by these women.
Brian Banks was 16 years old, young, naive, and vulnerable. He was at an age where he was probably interested and curious about sex. The young lady was in the same boat. What made her do what she did? I don't think the multi-million dollar settlement she received from the school was something she was looking for. I think she was looking for attention- the attention that she wanted and desired from- and wanted things to be said and done her way. Well, no one deserves to be disrespected, but a line must be drawn somewhere. Battles must be chosen wisely.
So, I will say this once and for all: doing anything that can drastically alter and destroy a man's livelihood is never and never will be the answer. If he is that bad, simply leave him alone. I know its easier said than done, but there are repercussions for our actions too. The young lady will have to pay all the money back that she received from the school district as a result of her lying about being raped. What could possibly other consequences? The answer is dependent on your actions.
Some of you just get pregnant on purpose. Some of you slash tires, break windows, and destroy property. Some of you rob him. Some of you steal his identity and even destroy his credit rating.
Okay. So he beat you, cheated on you, gave you an STD, disrespected you, ruined your finances, etc. However, we have to take responsibility for our actions. Why are you staying with him? Why are you chasing him? Why are you not calling the police and reporting him? Why are you even associating yourself with this person?
I am also concerned with the fact that this happens often with Black Men, let alone all men. From a historical perspective, Black Men have been kidnapped, lynched, and murdered because of being falsely accused of rape (and I don't need a source for this one- everyone knows this). Yet, the woman that falsely accused Brians Banks is now a Black Women.
Listen ladies, we cannot get our way all the time! If we don't like how he speaks, acts, or treats us leave him alone. He may not be that into you in the first place yet you waste your time wondering why he acts the way he does. This planet is much bigger than the miniscule world you choose to live in. Expand your horizons. In fact, get a life- get your own life. In fact, get your life in order and focus on your own growth and development.
Sex, in particular, was not created to manipulate another individual. Sex was not created as a tool of power. Sex is used to empower and fulfill. Don't worry about the guy who manipulates you just to get some pussy and leave you alone (and I will write about that fool in a later article). Just remember one thing- if you have sex with him you chose to have sex with him. Choose wisely and consciously. Know who you are going to sleep with. Even if its a one night stand, understand it for what it is. You cannot make someone be something they are not and never will be even to you. He is human just like you. Have a fulfilled and pleasurable sex life. To do this requires that you take responsibility for your sex life and yourself.
If you are a victim of rape, it was never your fault to begin with. Just understand that you can have power over your sex life again. Don't let that horrible experience control your sex life. Get counseling. Meditate and pray. Forgive. Work toward your healing so you can move on and have a healthy sex life.
A great sex life reflects a great life in general. How you are outside the bedroom is how you will be inside the bedroom. Just because your pussy is tight does not mean anything. If you think your pussy was created to get a $1.2 million dollar settlement just by yelling rape then you have shortchanged yourself. You might as well be a prostitute- at least they are up front about what they want and are looking for (that's another blog).
So, the next time that guy pisses you off and you decide you want to destroy his life -or- you want to use sex as a way to get the things you desire from a man (engagement ring, car, money) do yourself a favor and don't do it unless you want the following to happen:
- You have to pay the money back.
- You get caught up in a lawsuit.
- You go to jail.
- You wind up in a marriage that is hopeless and unfulfilled because he really never loved you at that level.
- The things you do to him happens to you.
- You lose the respect that your community once had for you and is now lost.
Ladies- its time to grow up and be a woman, a real woman.
To Brian Banks- good luck to you in life. I hope the best for you. I am sorry for the ignorance of one young lady. Do not let that one incident keep you from your happiness.
Until the next blog, remember that safe sex is always great sex- and that's in and outside the bedroom.